Tonight's topic on choice and what we can or cannot control really stood out to me. Especially that we can't control the past and the only thing I can control is me.

"Your new normal".......I won't say I hate, but STRONGLY dislike those words. I think every cancer support group that I have attended has used those words...."your new normal" after cancer...it bothers me every time I hear them. Don't get me wrong, support groups have been fantastic and a life changer for me, I highly recommend them.

What was wrong with the old normal? After cancer treatments, won't things go back to the way they were? I'm still me and my family and job hasn't changed, so why a new normal?

After tonight's thriving circle, I realized I am still trying to hold onto the past. I can't hold onto the past and I certainly can't change getting cancer. A lot of people think that once chemo, radiation and surgery are all over and you're told the cancer is gone, life just returns back to normal. I was one of those people and I'll admit I was wrong.

Some things have returned to the "old" normal, raising two boys, helping to maintain a household, being with family and friends and enjoying life.

There are some things that have changed:

• my willingness to do do things that don't make me happy
• the worry I have every time that I have an ache, pain or checkup with the doctor
• the number of doctor's appointments that I have
• the fear that the cancer could come back at any time
• the body changes from chemo, surgery and radiation

I think starting to focus on what I can control and starting to move away from what I can't will be pretty beneficial. I will also have to start changing my mindset from thinking "I have to have a new normal" to "I get a new normal" and try to think of it more of a positive thing than a negative thing. People have new normals all the time for great reasons, I just need to drop the negative thoughts surrounding mine.